So it has been over a year since Levi came s-l-o-w-l-y into our lives, and I can easily say that the one thing I have learned about motherhood is…. (((drum roll)))
it is really f-in hard!
This is to say that every cliché you have ever heard about parenthood is true, but here is the twist: When you’re experiencing it yourself, it doesn’t feel like a cliché! It feels like a singular experience. It feels foreign, and unique, and new (because it is…). It feels as if no one else in the whole wide world could ever possibly understand what you’re feeling and what you’re going through and could not ever feel the intensity with which you feel *all the emotions.*
For example, this love for this tiny being that everyone describes: the intensity of it and the “there is nothing like it” of it. It’s so true, and the thing about it is that we have to fall back on the cliché, because it is too big and strange and truly mind bending for the common communication tool of language. We can really only do the telling, not showing here, because trying to show something this abstract and difficult to comprehend feels impossible.
And for example — even in the children’s books, there is this thing that parents say about how they love their kids more each day. Huh? I used to think. How is this possible? Nothing can grow exponentially in this manner. And yet it does. This love for child defies every law and rule of logic I have ever known.
The other thing I have learned is I cannot really “have/do it all.” For example, I gave up on blogging. I gave up on this blog that began as a record of my quest for perfection — my rallying cry against all the latest self-help books, posts, and articles that attempt to teach us to let go of that quest, that tell us it is the thing holding us back from happiness. Why did I think I knew more or could do more than all these moms who came before me?
And so now…a year into motherhood and six months (to the day…whoa…I just realized this) since my last post to this blog, I am challenging myself to a 21 day blogging challenge. There are two simple parts: 1) I am going to close my Facebook account for 21 days. 2) I am going to spend my social media time getting up a blog post for each of those 21 days. The rules are that there are no rules. The blog post can be an image and a few sentences. It can be a list. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even really have to be coherent. I will set a timer for 15 minutes and write. I will stop, reread (not even revise, just edit), and post. It’s about practicing what I preach to my students. And it’s about overcoming a fear that I didn’t even know I had.