Moments 391-400

1. Constant renewal (committing to myself, my writing, my priorities) even while the world around me is going to sleep, dying off for the winter ahead.
2. But I also love to hibernate. Wintering is renewal.
3. The mother of a nine year old. I still hang onto every detail of his birth. But the years in between are a blur.
4. Ice skating amongst the lights, by ourselves, magical. Ice skating is my ketamine infusion.
5. The cat has suddenly become afraid of the downstairs. This has caused Levi to become afraid of the downstairs. None of it makes any sense.
6. Covid took away my appetite. Now the things I used to love and look forward to–plan my life around even–are nothing to me. In fact, worse than nothing, food and drink makes me feel sick. 
7. Snow! Finally! 
   • Friends, sleds, hot chocolate, cold hands and feet.
8. I need to learn Spanish. At least the basics. Two months until I head to Spain.
9. Missed my first morning of the 5am club, but that’s okay. Tomorrow is another day, as they say….
10. Losing my job / this job search thing is the height of practicing patience. I’m terrible at it. The uncertain future is making me lose my mind.

New Year List

Plans for 2024

Word of the year: Lightly. I will go lightly. I will hold things lightly. All of these plans for 2024 are loose, light, open to change, amendment, possibility…. 

Detoxes: Sugar and social media. At the end of the day today I will remove all social media apps from my phone (Facebook, X, Instagram, Nextdoor…) for the entire month of January. In the evenings, once we are all home from work and school, I will plug in my phone and leave it there unless I need it for something. During the work day, I will use Forest app and Do Not Disturb feature during work sessions. I will substitute sugar with fruit. 

5am Club: I am joining the 5am club. I’ve actually really always been part of the 5am club, as I typically rise early in order to do things like yoga, read, write, and plan before Levi is up for the day. But I am going to try to be a bit more disciplined (in a light manner 😅, of course) about the 20/20/20 split. Initially, I plan to do the exercise/reflect/learn split on Mondays and Tuesdays, and then reflect/write/learn Wednesdays-Fridays. I’ll see how that goes and adjust accordingly. I’m also considering trying Headway or Blinkist for my 20 minute “learn” sessions, or I might just stick with whatever nonfiction reading I have going on in the moment (Wintering, for now…).

Time tracking: I will participate in Laura Vanderkam’s Time Tracking Challenge beginning 1/8. I’ve written before about how helpful time tracking is for me, and it’s easier to stay on track with it when I’m participating in an organized “challenge” complete with daily reminders/motivational emails. I’ve already started tracking time for 2024, but I’m hoping next year might be a more accurate representation, as we are just emerging from Covid and getting up in the mornings (see previous paragraph) is still a bit rocky (as is staying on task in the evenings). 

Things I’m Loving…back to the blog edition

Chemex Funnex coffee maker: Over the years I’ve often been curious about the fuss that is Chemex coffee makers. Sure they look really cool, and I love glass, but they were expensive, and I couldn’t imagine they’d brew coffee that much better than any of the other methods I’ve used over the years (and I’ve used them all! Auto drip, pour-over, french press, stovetop percolator). For years I’ve been using the Bialetti Moka stovetop espresso maker and have been quite happy with it; however the gasket between the two parts is disintegrating after years of use, and so I took the plunge and bought myself the Funnex (Merry Christmas to me). And now, I’m obsessed. It actually makes a life altering-ly good cup of coffee! I traveled this weekend and couldn’t wait to get home to my Chemex coffee. I dream about it every night before I go to sleep. My only complaint is that it is gone way too soon. I feel like I’m chugging it, as it’s just so smooth and delicious.

Time tracking. I’m a big fan of Laura Vanderkam’s work on productivity and time management. Vanderkam’s a big fan of time tracking. That is, keeping a record of how we spend the precious 168 hours per week that we each have. She provides all kinds of resources on her blog for keeping track of your time and giving yourself a “time makeover.” She kicked off the new year with a time tracking challenge, which I participated in and loved it. I found tracking my time useful in a number of ways:

1. It helped me to ward off the feeling that I’m generally plagued with at the end of each day that I haven’t done or been “enough.” This is a feeling that has really run my emotions ever since becoming a mother. I remember at the end of each day of Levi’s newborn life just looking around at the rundown rooms and the glider with the indentation in it and feeling dejected at the lack of things I’d gotten done. Time tracking provides a clear look at how much I actually do in a day, and on most days, it’s a boatload!
2. Time tracking helps me to focus. If I’m feeling unmoored or finding myself scrolling online, then I remind myself that I’m tracking my time. Generally this makes me feel as if there is some kind of invisible entity watching over my online time log (I use the Google spreadsheets created by Vanderkam), and I’m motivated to make better use of my time. Often this begins with simply pulling up the spreadsheet and updating it. This helps me to locate where I’ve been and where I need to be going with my day.

My Oura ring. The Oura ring is a health tracking ring that focuses primarily on sleep and what your body is doing at night. Each morning you wake to a “Readiness” and “Sleep” score, which is supported by a bunch of data that the ring collected about your body while you slept–namely, resting heart rate, heart rate variability (HRV), oxygen saturation, amount of sleep (as well as a breakdown of the various stages), body temperature, and more. The ring also tracks your daily activity and factors that into your readiness score for the next day. The ring predicted a 24-hour stomach bug before I was symptomatic (ah…that’s why I had a 74 readiness score that morning…), and it gives me a general sense of how I might best approach my day: Is it a yoga morning or a bike morning? Intermediate functional weight lifting class or beginner? Be kind to myself about feeling a bit unmotivated or push myself to do more? Sometimes I ignore the ring altogether, and that’s fine too. For someone as indecisive + as type A as I am, making data informed decisions is simply appealing to my core being, and in general the data is reassuring. Was I really awake ALL night? Absolutely not. Are some nights better than others? They sure are, but also being able to tag those nights and try to track why is fun and useful. Was it the wine? The late night ice cream?

Things I’m Loving – Summer ’22 edition

Since Summer is firmly behind us at this point, I guess I should post this and move onto the fall ’22 edition of things I’m loving (which should appear somewhere around New Years 🤪)

tl/dr: Routines/habits I implemented over the summer months, that I loved. They center around reading and the outdoors.

• No news Saturdays: In general I limit my news intake to mornings (and nothing later than lunch). This helps with being able to sleep at night. But on Saturday mornings I don’t get up and read the headlines or listen to a news podcast as I do throughout the week, instead I read whatever nonfiction books I’m in the middle of at the moment. Generally this is an array of self-help, books on productivity and life systems/hacks, books on motherhood and family life, and/or collections of essays by beloved writers. (E.g. Laura Vanderkam’s I Know How She Does It, Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Anne Bogel’s Don’t Overthink It, and Tonya Dalton’s The Joy of Missing Out, to name a few…).
• Sustained Silent Reading (SSR) w/ Levi: During the afternoons of summer vacation, Levi and I spend a half hour on SSR, sitting out on our patio with a snack on the table next to us. We read to ourselves for 15 minutes, and then I read a nonfiction book aloud to Levi for 15 minutes (mostly the Where Is, Who Was, What Was series…). Not only did a I enjoy the time spent with Levi while also working against the notorious summer slide, but I also got a blessed 15 minutes of quiet(ish) time with which to actually read my own books! A true win-win-win!

Moments (381 – 390)

1. Re-committing myself again and again to the thing I don’t want to do out of fear of failure. The thing that calls to me but I ignore in favor of scrolling, saying yes to more committee work, paying attention to my family, reading what others have written, drawing/coloring/painting, online classes. Not bad things entirely but not the thing I’m avoiding.
2. Realizing this writing “project” I set out for myself has lasted years instead of one, and I’m okay with that. For who knows what I will have after this. (Who am I kidding? I have something cooking a la Ross Gay). But still, what’s the rush?
3. Taking and making time these days is my thing.
   1. Because we are never finished weeding. The to do list is never done.
   2. “Everything done comes undone.” ~Karen Maezen Miller
4. Things are so loud in my brain these days….
   1. the world is at war
   2. the pandemic lingers and morphs
   3. fighting at work, fighting in the school district, fighting with friends
   4. basement flooded; droughts elsewhere
   5. terrible sevens (!? We never did any of the other “terribles”) and failing at parenting (perception is everything)
5. Is there such thing as an underwater bunker? I long for sensory deprivation, though I know it’s a terrible thing to say.
6. I will never stop hating Daylight Saving Time
7. Promotion!
8. A quarter of the way through 2022. How is that possible?
9. Living with Covid, while still trying to avoid it. It’s harder than it sounds.
10. Still grateful for all the things. We are the lucky ones.

Moments (371 – 380)

1. Ten more minutes, and I will start working. Today I prioritized me.
2. I’ve come to the (perhaps obvious) realization that having a child is a representation of life amplified.
   1. Life is terrible and wonderful, maddening and delightful.
   2. Having a child means the person who brings you the most joy in the world is the same person who makes you nearly insane with frustration and anger.
3. Starting to see time I take for myself not as wasted time but as something gained.
   1. In the case of organizing it will mean more time gained in the future.
4. Levi has been having some intense nightmares.
5. Burn the candles. Light the fairy lights. Turn on the purple mood bulb.
6. Eat dessert twice a day. Give yourself permission.
7. Ask, “What do I need?” Listen carefully (perhaps with a tiny bit of skepticism), and then do it. No questions asked.
8. Let myself sleep in.
9. We all have to do the things required of daily life: laundry, dishes, work, childcare, eldercare, partner care, meal preparation, consuming said meal, sleep, whatever these things may be for each of us. We squeeze them into small cracks of time in our days. Day in and day out. Over and over. None of us exempt.
   1. “What’s hard for me is hard for others….”
10. “And so we came to February….”

Moments (361-370)

1. What I’m doing isn’t working.
2. If what you’re doing isn’t working, don’t keep doing it (a definition of insanity). Change something.
3. My problem is that I either cannot decide what to change, or I change too many things at once.
   1. Any scientist will tell you, you can only change one thing at a time. Otherwise, you cannot properly interpret the results.
4. Maybe giving up meditation wasn’t the right decision.
   1. But also, it feels better not beating myself up over one more self-improvement thing I haven’t managed to do.
5. I live in a world of extremes.
   1. Today I will eat sugar whenever I want and drink wine.
   2. Tomorrow I will tee-total and and avoid gluten, sugar, soy, dairy, anything artificial.
6. I cling tighter and tighter.
   1. To the way things should be.
7. Maybe I should will start to assess more carefully my use of the words should, want, and need.
   1. For example, Monday morning after a weekend that left me exhausted, after the start of a new year that left me exhausted. Cold. Dark. I don’t want to get out from between my fleece sheets. Me, in my head, I should get up and do yoga. I need to get up and do yoga. Getting demanding, Get. Up. And. Do. Yoga. Now!
   2. My body: no, no, no, I do not want to. I want to stay here where it’s warm and safe and fluffy and cozy. I cannot move my body right now.
      1. We all know this battle, right? The conflict between should, want, and need. So far, my adult life has been driven by shoulds. What if I let want start driving? The thought scares me.
         1. Perhaps all the more reason to do it.
8. Be here now. Stay open. This too shall pass. Practice my mantras for the new year.
9. Always trying to work shit out on the page.
10. We are all just trying to figure it out.
    1. The it without referent and yet we all know what it means.

And here we are again/still….

As we watched a fireworks display on New Year’s Eve there were golden 2022 balloons swaying in the wind and an illuminated, multicolor 2022 ice sculpture, and yet, I said to D, it doesn’t feel like a new year to me at all. Today is the 3rd, and I still haven’t even done my January set-up in my bullet journal (bujo). It’s the 3rd, and I still haven’t chosen a word for the year. It’s the 3rd, and I still haven’t gotten that little thrill that comes from the possibility of a metaphorical clean slate–the little boost of hope that comes from the idea of starting fresh. This slate is just as dirty as ever–filled with chalk dust and faint lines from the past two years that can never be fully erased. These pandemic years are like a vortex. I can only faintly remember now what life was like before they began, and the days, weeks, months, and now, years during which we’ve masked and worried and social distanced and tried to purchase everyday items and tested and worried some more have all blurred into one looooong period of time without distinct beginnings and endings.

I was surprised to just discover that I felt similarly as 2021 began.

While I’m not devoid of hope (there is much to be hopeful for/about–a new administration in less than two weeks, Covid-19 vaccines emerging), at this point 2020 seems to have simply bled into 2021 without break or distinction. Nothing feels clean about this slate to me right now. So instead of imagining a year ahead that is better than the past year, I am simply taking it one day at time. I pretty much have my head down as I tip-toe slowly and cautiously into this new year.

But while I’m missing my usual sense of excitement that I get from looking back and planning forward, I have mixed things up a bit from the last few years when my new year’s motto was, “new year, same me.” This year I have set one major resolution/goal: GET ORGANIZED. It’s not that I’m terribly unorganized now. Many people would actually describe me as highly organized. And in certain ways I am. But this house…oh this house, it just has way too much stuff to keep systems of organizations in place and running smoothly. As such, I end up with way too much grumpy time–mainly time spent looking for things, or trying to extract something from a too crowded and cluttered space when I need it.

I’m giving myself a full year, but at this time next year, I hope plan to be writing my annual new year’s post from an organized house.

STAGE 1: Now – May — I’m starting the Organize365 Sunday Basket System and doing Clutter Keeper’s Fresh Start program (but giving myself longer than 4 weeks to do it). I’ve set two goals/resolutions that I’ve dragged Levi in on: 1) each room needs to be “reset” by dinner time, and if not by then, then definitely by bed time and 2) we are not to start a new activity/form of play before making sure the current activity is cleaned up and put away.

STAGE 2: May – September — Assess where the house is at. Make sure I’ve covered all parts of CK’s 30 Day Conquer Your Clutter (if not, get going on things I’ve missed). Begin another purge and changing spaces over to prepare for summer months. Start over one of CK’s programs or see if I can benefit from Organize365’s Productive Home Solution at this point.

STAGE 3: September – December — Another purge and prepare things for winter months.

STAGE 4: Celebrate and maintain!

Organization is my focus for 2022. Peace of mind through organization is my mantra for 2022. I’ve realized that all the meditation in the world isn’t going to save me if the house around me is in chaos. Admittedly, the point of meditation is to be able to thrive DESPITE the chaos around me, but that just really isn’t working out for me. And if something isn’t working, then change it…. Hence, “meditation” was cut from my habit list and “get organized” was added right at the top!

Writing has done its magic–as it always does. Look-y here…I’ve written my way into a word for 2022: Peace. May we all experience a bit more peace in the year ahead.

Now share your dreams and resolutions for the next 12 months–even if (or maybe because) they currently look very much like the last 12….

520 Moments (351-360)

1. My “mom moments” have shifted to just “moments.” Not sure when it happened. But I think it’s apt.
2. We are slowing down–forced to by the shorter days and abundant rain.
3. I haven’t put in the tulip bulbs yet. The ground is still not frozen though.
4. I love this time of year
   1. Coloring
   2. Baking
   3. Lego
   4. Stitching
   5. Board games
   6. Hot beverages
   7. More darkness (I know I’m in the minority on this one)
   8. Spooks and ghouls
   9. Family time
   10. Wassail
5. I need a stop button for my brain.
6. Are these the end times? It’s hard not to feel that way…. The intensity of global crises seems to have reached a breaking point.
   1. And yet…the world isn’t broken. At least not beyond repair. It’s still spinning. We are still spinning.
7. Well this took a quick turn from autumn celebration to doomsday. But such is life right now–all the ugly and hard and beautiful and special all rolled into one.
8. Writing soothes the soul. As does the outdoors.
9. Outdoor dining with a bestie in the 48 degree weather.
10. Back on the horse y’all. Let’s get on the/that/our horse (again and again).

Pandemic Reflections – Easter

This Easter marked our second pandemic Easter. It seems hard to believe that my parents were last here for an Easter two years ago. My uncle was still alive then, and we had started a routine of my parents coming on Easter day, dropping in for dinner with my aunt uncle, and then staying to care for Levi during the school break week that follows. I remember all of that being canceled last Easter, of course. I remember hoping my uncle would still be with us for another Easter. But for the life of me I could not remember what we ate, or who fed us! Typically we eat at Dawn’s mom’s for Easter. Ham with gravy and all the fixings. While I’m a decent everyday cook (we almost never eat out), I’m not so good at the holiday cooking. Turns out, though, that I did cook for us. I made a vegetarian shepherd’s pie and that ridiculously delicious (and oh-so-bad-for-you) Smith Island Cake.

Last year Levi got a terrarium kit from the Easter bunny and this year he got Aqua Dragons (aka Sea Monkeys). Both were little projects that captured his imagination and for which he got very excited.

This year we did another masked outdoor visit with Dawn’s mom, but she did make her traditional Easter dinner and packed it up into giant to go containers for us. For this I am so grateful. This year was also a bit less chilly for our outdoor visit. Something else to be thankful for.

It’s still a bit hard to wrap my head around the idea that we’ve been living this careful, tense lifestyle for over a year, and that while there might be/seems to be/is hopefully an end in sight, we aren’t there yet.

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